I’m all Kansanny

I am dull. Though if this isn’t your first visit, you probably already know that.

But I am clinically dull. It’s terminal. I’ll probably be dull for my entire life. I’ve never really done, well, anything. I’m always amazed that people talk about me when I’m not around. I don’t have a social life, outside of the Internet. I’ve never been involved in racy love triangles. Other than my fiance, nobody’s ever been attracted to me, that I know of. Well, I shouldn’t say that. How about this: The only girls who have been attracted to me (other than my fiance) have, frankly, been dogs. Which doesn’t do much for one’s ego. I mean, the reason they like me is because I am of a lower social ranking than they are, i.e. I’m uglier/geekier/less appealing than a barker. Which is very frustrating, because there are so many pretty girls in the world, and none of them are interested in me. (Now, I don’t want to DATE any of them, I just want them to flirt with me, or at least acknowledge my existence.)

But the worst part is; I don’t have any geek skillz. I don’t use Linux, I don’t know Unix. I have no motivation to finish things I start unless there’s a carrot or a stick. About the only thing I can do well is code, but I don’t know any languages well enough to make anything really important. Last week, I went, for the most part, without human contact. Now, you’d think a geek could get a lot done, but I really did almost nothing. Bummer. And racing towards me is my career. And a house. And car payments. And kids… and I don’t feel like I’ve really lived. I feel like I’ve wasted my youth. I mean, I’m 21 years old, and what do I have to show for it. I have one or two real-life friends, no steamy affairs, no road trips, no hobbies, no likes, no great works. Nothing. Well, except for my relationship with my fiance. But, I don’t know… The future is beginning to look like Kansas; flat and featureless. Yay. Autobiography Title: My Life: Two Hundred Blank Pages.

Real Life Update: Went home for the weekend. Worked on my fiance’s mom’s house. And for the first time she wasn’t mad at me when I left. Which, I suppose, is a victory. *toots horn*. Bought a Pop’s day present for my dad. I hope he likes it. Now I’m back at work, getting ready to leave. (Six minutes…) Then it’s home home home, clean clean clean, fsck fsck fsck, clean clean clean, sleep… Again, like Kansas.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.